Nov 18, 2010

Words from Andrew Hoover

Hello readers (and Mom),

Today you have the special priviledge of reading the random thoughts of Mr. Andrew Hoover, the comic relief of Dorm 24.  I cannot be held responsible for anything he says. And the worst part is, I now have to make him coffee.

Here it goes:

Good morning readers, I come to you from a black hole. Well I'm not really, but that remids me of a poem I wrote in grade 4. It went a little like this.

Dear life you are falling down a black hole.

Thats as far as I got on the poem because I didn't know what a black hole was. I also didn't have life. As I sit here in a orangey-brown chair that reminds me of the last time I vommited (I'm not complaining, it was a rather enjoyable experience) thoughts of the thug life cross my mind. Back in my thug life days I had many dangerous encounters. I once microwaved a grilled cheese sandwitch, peeled it apart, and threw it at a window. It did not stick. I was upset. I was so upset. I was very very upset. I will now share a few lyrics from my hit rap group "No Breaks". . .

I love all my dogs
I love to bark with them
I love all my dogs but I hate the system.

I will now introduce my latest segment entitled "Life lessons with Andrew Hoover".
There comes a time in everyone's life when they find themselves standing beside a water bed with a sharp pencil. Now, there comes that time in everyone's life when they need to make that tought decision as whether to drop the pencil or PENETRATE THE TIP OF THE PENCIL DIRECTLY INTO THE HEART OF THE WATER BED LEAVING THE WATER SPEWING FROM THE CENTER. Stab the water bed. Don't look back, don't take a second look, stab that bed. You do not want to look back and think to yourself "I should have stabbed that bed". I've been fortunate enough to have experienced this before. I stabbed the bed. No regrets. I still drool over the thought of the water spewing out of that bed. Stab the bed. Do it.

I leave you with this thought to rattle in your brains! If you could only eat lucky charms or cheerios for the rest of your life, what would you choose? Think of the consistancy. Think of the children. Think of John F. Kennedy. 

My name is Andrew James Hoover,
and I approve this message,
Aliens exist,
Trust me, I worked at a shoe store.

Word of the Day: The

Quote of the Day: "Fisher Price is Apollonian." Aaron Vedder


Lindsey Hoover said...



Erica said...

Well, he certainly has the attention span of his RAs...