Nov 25, 2010

Life Lessons: Proper Underwear Identification

With Andrew Hoover

That was crazy when that man became pregnant, eh? Oh, hello perfect segway into undergarment identification. Everyone knows that November is underwear identification awareness month, therefore I must provide my expertise on the matter. There comes a time in everyone's life when they find themselves rummaging through a ghetto washing machine, humming the mission impossible theme song, and coming to the realization that nothing in the washing machine is yours. Your mind goes blank, your hands start to shake, a single tear rolls down your anger stricken face! You then make the assumption that some crazy, deranged man has stolen all of your laundry! But then you see it. A white, ragged, "ghetto fab" pair of Toronto Maple Leafs underwear! SCORE! The clothing thief has left a pair of your underwear. You then start racking your mind as to why he has left this particular pair of underwear! You pull it of the washing machine, extremely angered, and start flailing it around in the air. You will then look at the holey underwear and decide that you must throw them away. With rage you throw the underwear into the trash can, fall to your knees, and break down crying. As you pull yourself together you will stand up, and open the next washing machine. Surprise! You find out that you actually use the washing machine beside the one you just opened. Then you learn that the clothing thief has the exact same pair of torn up, "ghetto fab", Toronto Maple Leaf underwear as you do. 

As  underwear idetification month comes to a close, I encourage you to double check the washing machines. Lets make undergarment identification month every month. Lake this world a happier place, safe from undergarment thieves. 

"Ode to the Undergarment"

Undergarment, undergarment, how I love the.
100% cotton, as cozy as can be.
When I put you on, I feel so rad,
When you rip in the butt I feel so sad.
I love my undies so much I have a shrine.
Yo yo underwear you're so cool, yo so fine.
I'd rather have underwear than a sharp knife.
Oh sweet undergarment stay in my life!

Stay classy introweb.
Remember, there are crazy underwear robbers. 
And they will steal your underwear. 

Word of the Day: Intonations

Quote of the Day: "Don't blame Nietzsche's disciples for what his theories have become. Blame Freud." Dr. Faber

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